Don’t ask me how, but I recently got my hands on a staff-only memo from the mayor of Gotham City to his senior staff. Given how much national attention Gotham has been garnering this summer, I figured it would provide some interesting insight into the political life of one of our country’s most dire cities.
FROM THE DESK OF GOTHAM CITY MAYOR ANTHONY GARCIA
Memorandum: For Senior Staff Only
It has been two months since the murder of District Attorney Harvey Dent.
We’ll excuse for a moment the fact that this is the second District Attorney to have been murdered in a year (though, believe me, we’ll be taking that up with Commissioner Gordon in short order) and instead focus on simple steps that must be taken to refocus our priorities and political strategy in light of what the departed has left undone.
As I’m sure you’ve read in the papers, philanthropist Bruce Wayne was recently called into city hall for questioning. Wayne threw a “fundraiser” for District Attorney Dent on the evening of Commissioner Loeb and Judge Surrillo’s murder, and the questioning was regarding any correlation said political event, which was reportedly interrupted by the Joker and accompanied by the death of a police officer, may have had with the deaths of District Attorney Dent and Assistant District Attorney Rachel Dawes.
According to Mr. Wayne’s own testimony, and the testimony of a Russian ballet dancer whose passport is being frozen until all suspicion is cleared, Wayned persuaded Dent to accept the fundraiser even three years out from re-election by telling him, “One fundraiser with my friends, and you’ll never need another cent.”
This exposes a massive liability in Gotham City’s electoral process: namely, the complete lack of oversight of campaign finance laws and donation limits. The late Mr. Dent managed to give us an 18-month window of reduced crime in which we can pursue other policy initiatives. I am calling a three-day strategy session for this weekend in order to discuss how to best push forth an aggressive campaign oversight package.
I know that this has been a stressful few months, and I know that introducing the concept of campaign oversight to Gotham’s political life may be unpopular with our colleagues, but I feel that if we start flirting with the idea of not allowing Sal Maroni and Carmine Falcone to funnel unlimited amounts of cash into the pockets of any campaign they please, maybe there would be fewer public officials in this state (which, to be honest—this is embarrassing—I still haven’t been able to identify) who seem to legislate with the mob’s best interest at heart.
However, one of the primary difficulties we will face in terms of public opinion is how to keep the importance of a campaign oversight package in the forefront of people’s minds in the wake of the significant across-the-board increase in corporate and personal tax liability necessary to cover incidental budget expenses that have arisen since the emergence of the Bat-man:
– $79 billion in public property damage
– $100 billion in partial public compensation for landmark private property damage
– 100% increase in SWAT team salaries
– 50% increase in MCU officer salaries
– 30% increase in all other law enforcement salaries
– 25% increase in across-the-board hiring for all police precincts
– 30% increase in hiring for precincts 7, 35, 61, 77, and 78 in the Narrows
– 135% increase in expenses related to clearing of traffic accidents
– The still-delayed estimate on the repair of monorail and utility centers
Please start brainstorming ideas for communication strategy and come prepared with a short list of key members of the city council we can safely approach to be political cover. I think Councilmember Cobblepot may be willing.